Rupee is in currency now

India, for long, has been branded a third world economy. The pejorative ring to the description must have hurt the cerebral custodians of Indian economy. And after thinking deep and taking a hard look at what needs to be done, they have come up with the best possible solution to the situation: A new symbol for the rupee.

This is a great morale-booster for the Indian economy, and we Indians must be justifiably proud of this and also make use of this. I don’t know about you, but next time around when I need to exchange currency at the forex counter, I am going to just peddle the new symbol. Rupee may be a currency, but it’s only now it is truly in currency, if you get my drift managing to look past the awful pun.

But wait. Am I not overstating the case? Not really. But sort of.  Okay, I don’t know.

Anyway, here’s a handy Q & A primer, which will clear all your doubts with regard to how the economy evolved and how currencies came about and how you are neck-deep in debt now. (Okay, I am kidding about the last part). (No, I am not)

Can you trace the evolution of economy?

When you talk of economy, you obviously have to talk of history. Ancient man survived for centuries without economy and financial instruments. As currency and coins were unavailable, all businesses and exchanges had to be carried —- this is a fact —- through credit cards. Unable to collect any money from the credit card-users, banks devised the strategy that they would charge in perpetuity the succeeding generations and generations and generations. This theory may sound silly. But even this doesn’t come close to explaining why we are being slapped such astronomical interest rates by the banks and credit card companies.

Anyway, the ancient man tried his best to stop the advent of economy. He had a very valid reason for that: Economy didn’t come alone. Economists were part of the deal. And economists also didn’t come solo. They were armed with statistics and jargon, which, if properly used, can cause more havoc than nuclear weapons. This is the reason why there is no ancient man surviving now.

How have trade and transactions changed over the years?

The spirit of enterprise, that innate passion for new things, that primordial feeling for new endeavours, has seen human beings evolve from being mere wretched cave-dwelling organisms eating raw food to ones that are able to construct dramatic glass and steel skyscrapers which house cramped apartments that are more wretched than anything cave-dwelling organisms could have seen in their lives. Oh, by the way, modern beings still eat uncooked food. Our dieticians prescribe us that.

Anyway, it’s fascinating to study the essential entrepreneurial spirit residing in the human breast and how it has come to establish the various tenets of business and economy. This is how:

I give you something, you give me something back. This is the basic barter system, much in vogue in ancient times. But when you gave cows and goats and got back cows and goats in exchange, I think the business cannot be called all that enterprising.

After this came: I give you something, but you not only don’t give me anything in return, but also become rude and callous to me. This, needless to say, is how the modern-day governments were born.

Also: You take a lot from me. You get on a pedestal and announce several things, none of which is understandable or beneficial to me. Yes, it’s Finance Minister making the budget presentation.

The winds of change then took us to: I give you a lot, but you give me just a useless piece of paper in exchange. Ok, you know it, I am indeed talking about stock market operations.

So the world moved to: I give you something, you don’t give me something, but you are nice to me. This heralded the arrival of modern-day journalism, by which I mean big business.

Then: I give you signed papers. You give me money. I return more money than you give. You return my papers? No, you ask for my blood. Cue: Personal loans from banks.

And then: You don’t give me anything, I don’t give you anything. And we both don’t give anything to anybody else, but we gather a lot of people and talk to them how we both have made a lot of money in the whole business. This is, of course, multi-level marketing. (Don’t run).

Okay, the last one: You just keep calling me. And I go: ‘*#$3@^&.’  This is the highest form of business and trade today: Tele-marketing.

Coins and currencies for different countries, how did they come about?

Money makes the world go round. When economists heard this old saying, they quickly figured out that money was urgently needed so that the earth didn’t stop rotating on its axis. And from then on, the establishment of the Mint to finance Hawala transactions was purely evolutionary.

How does having symbols for currencies help?

It’s the most logical thing to do. Take the dollar, for example. If you say ‘dollar’, people might mistake it for something else. But when you write ‘$’, people will surely figure out that you are typing with the ‘Caps Lock’ button on. Just imagine, Indian rupee is going to join this Upper Caps pantheon.

What’s the practical help in having a symbol for rupee?

Quite obviously, the inflation will ease. Don’t ask me how. I just said quite obviously.

The other big plus of having a symbol for your currency is, sooner or later it will be used to convey cuss words in print. For the record, the dollar has been so powerful so far because it is the chief ingredient when you want to say ‘$%$# off’ in print. I can’t wait to see the Indian rupee symbol all powerful by being put to use in a swear word. My keyboard is positively drooling. What the %^&*$!

Will it help business?

The rupee symbol, as of now, is not represented on the computer keyboard. Even the government is waiting for the keyboard with the rupee symbol so that it can get the notes printed. Anyway, to have a rupee symbol on the computer, an upgradation of the keyboard should suffice. Or even just a change in the fonts will do. But, most likely your computer service personnel will recommend a motherboard upgradation. He might even suggest that you change your spouse, too. If this does not boost business, I don’t know what will.

Is there anything more they could have done in the new symbol for the rupee?

English and Devanagiri scripts have been incorporated into it. They have left out Tamil.

Why Tamil?

Well, with Tamil they could have got the rupee the classical money status.